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Been Sick

The plague has ravaged our house for the past couple of weeks.  It seems like every time one gets better, another falls victim.  Of course the wife and I are no different – as I type this some type of mucus is alternately dripping from my nostril, then blocking it up like a dam.

But the fact that I’m up and writing is a testament to the human spirit, and my own ability to overcome the cruddies.  It may have taken two weeks, but I’m back Baby!

In the annals of the history of my life, two weeks out of a year for sickness seems fairly mild, but I can’t help but feel it is some sort of whole life setback.  Like – “if I hadn’t have gotten sick these past two weeks, who KNOWS where I’d be today!”

What’s really important is what I do with my time NOW.  Let’s get back to work!

Onion Goggles

T-Rex Problem

VACA

Vacations rock.  I like them second only to vaginas.  Is there a V theme there somehow?  I’m not sure.

I like to take a vacation every chance I get.  Monthly if I can.  Daily if the boss will let me.  And of course, they’re even better if you bring a vagina along to keep you company (mine has a name of course, but I’m keeping her identity safe).

Lest the ladies think me sexist, I’m just as interested in the smile and walk and talk of my lady as I am in her vajazzle.  She’s my best friend, and a vaca isn’t a vaca without her with mei.

I took a vaca this weekend with my lady, and it was amazing.  It’s awesome how much a little leisure time makes you love you wife more, makes you love your life more, makes you love your kids more…

Some people like to say that you need to treat your whole life like a vacation.  I’ve seen books that say it’s a negative thing to look forward to the 2 weeks a year you get as a vacation.  You need to live your life as if every day is a vacation.  You need to appreciate the every day things as if they were a vacation.

I agree. You need to appreciate every day.  You can’t be miserable 350 days of the year, and happy for 15 days.  That’s stupid.  But vacations are nice too.  It’s like anything else – you need to have a balance.  But I sure love my vacation sex.  It’s like regular sex, with sprinkles on top.

Live for your every day.  And live a little more for the special days.  Thanks for a great weekend baby.  I love you.  And your vagina.

Sickies

There are three forms of kid sickness I’ve dealt with.

There’s the classic fever.  These are scary, but from a maintenance standpoint not too bad.  You have to watch to make sure it doesn’t get out of control, but for the most part it’s like a yo yo.  They are lethargic and tired, whiney and in “I feel sick” mode.  Then you give them some children’s ibuprofen, and about an hour later they’re jumping on the couch and wanting to go for a bike ride in 32 degree weather.  Fevers are not my favorite, but they are not the worst.

Second, there’s the stomach flu.  This is the worst in terms of maintenance.  Kids don’t control their throw up very well.  If you’ve got a kid sleeping at night, even with the “puke bowl” right next to them, dollars to doughnuts they’re just going to spew all over their pillow.  This is not fun.  The stomach flu is my least favorite illness.

The third is the mild cold.  This is fairly easy, but makes for cranky kids.  They aren’t knocked out enough to be manageable, but they’re uncomfortable enough to make it miserable on everyone else.  The problem with this one is they seem to happen like 4 times a year, and with more than one kid, that means you’re dealing with it half of the time, all the time.

Excuse me.  I’m going to go get a flu shot.

Pricks

I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m kind of a prick.  It’s not my fault per se – I just think I’m kind of a dick all the time.  And I think it’s because of my penis.

Let me explain – I’m motivated by my penis.  When it wants something, I want it too.  When it’s angry, I’m angry too. When it’s happy….you get the idea.  In fact, about half of the reason I do things is because of my down there dude.  I’m completely controlled by my wang chung!

I think it takes a certain amount of enlightenment to acknowledge this.  Civilized creatures would say this is not a good thing – that I should rise above.  Of course, I have to make non-peep related decisions at work and at home.  I can use my brain.  It’s just the other one is VERY convincing sometimes.

And women always bemoan this like they hate it.  “Oh, you’re just thinking with your prick” or “use the head on top of your shoulders to think”.  Yea, Yea.  But then when you want something from us, you conveniently try to convince us using which head again?  Why are you not rubbing my eyelids when you want to ask to go out to dinner tonight?  Because you know what body part is really in charge.

Why do I go to work?  To make money, so I can have sex with my wife.  Why do I do the laundry?  So my wife will have more free time…and hopefully use it to have sex with me.  Why do I go to the gym?  You know.  Why do I drink too much beer?  To drown the hurt inside when I don’t have enough sex.

Why do I have kids?  I think most of you know how that happened.

I’m just a prick, and not ashamed to admit it.  Maybe a little ashamed, but my boss in the trenches tells me to be proud of it, so I’m going to listen to the little guy.  He’s very smart.

Daddy Issue – Rear Goggles Cartoon

New Rear Goggles – Daddy Issues – Check it out at the Rear Goggles Site HERE