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The Snooze Button Antichrist

Everyone is worried about the end of the world.  If I hear one more time that someone thinks the president or a presidential candidate or a possible secretary of treasury might be the antichrist, I’m going to go all 666 on someone.

The antichrist is supposed to come out of nowhere.  Someone everyone least expects.  It’s not going to be a high level politician.  Those guys are too douchey to be the antichrist anyway.  The real antichrist is right in our bedrooms as we speak.

No, I’m not talking about your wife (well, maybe yours Larry), I’m talking about a cancer in our rooms that is spreading globally.  In fact, when it reaches the remote villages of Africa, I believe the human race is doomed.  Yes, I’m talking about the snooze button.

Think about it – what all could mankind have accomplished if the snooze button didn’t exist?  We’d probably on Mars right now if those scientists didn’t take that extra half an hour each morning, trying to get up but taking “just 10 more minutes” of snooze time.  And we all know it’s a worthless amount of sleep – it does nothing for our bodies.  It just delays the inevitable.  And steals our eternal souls.

But I’m powerless against it. At 4 in the morning, when I’m supposed to get up to exercise, I know it’s there.  Waiting for me like a hit of crack – just ten more minutes.

Screw you, snooze button.  You may herald the end of the world for us all.  But I don’t have to like it.  Now excuse me, I’m going to get just a few minutes more sleep.

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VACA

Vacations rock.  I like them second only to vaginas.  Is there a V theme there somehow?  I’m not sure.

I like to take a vacation every chance I get.  Monthly if I can.  Daily if the boss will let me.  And of course, they’re even better if you bring a vagina along to keep you company (mine has a name of course, but I’m keeping her identity safe).

Lest the ladies think me sexist, I’m just as interested in the smile and walk and talk of my lady as I am in her vajazzle.  She’s my best friend, and a vaca isn’t a vaca without her with mei.

I took a vaca this weekend with my lady, and it was amazing.  It’s awesome how much a little leisure time makes you love you wife more, makes you love your life more, makes you love your kids more…

Some people like to say that you need to treat your whole life like a vacation.  I’ve seen books that say it’s a negative thing to look forward to the 2 weeks a year you get as a vacation.  You need to live your life as if every day is a vacation.  You need to appreciate the every day things as if they were a vacation.

I agree. You need to appreciate every day.  You can’t be miserable 350 days of the year, and happy for 15 days.  That’s stupid.  But vacations are nice too.  It’s like anything else – you need to have a balance.  But I sure love my vacation sex.  It’s like regular sex, with sprinkles on top.

Live for your every day.  And live a little more for the special days.  Thanks for a great weekend baby.  I love you.  And your vagina.