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Bikini Baristas – Beauty and Caffeine

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the barista’s at Starbucks wear boring uniforms.  And they’re generally surly college students or pseudo intellectuals who’s thesis is not paying the rent.  Or assholes.  And their coffee is pretty much the same as everyone else’s, they just have those cool cake pops.

 

If you live in an urban area, there’s a chance there’s a better alternative.  It’s called a Bikini Barista shop, and it’s probably the best invention in the last 10 years.

Before you poo poo the idea as sexist, or dirty, or stupid, or “my wife won’t let me go” or “I’m afraid my neighbor will see” – consider this: Beauty and coffee – a perfect marriage.  Try that tag line on the wife.

And while I’m sure there are the guys who go and are inappropriate or ogle, my experience has been that these girls are nice, sweet, NORMAL girls who are making coffee and brightening your day in a cute outfit.  It’s like going to the beach on a day you can’t actually make it to the beach.

We all want beauty in our lives.  In my opinion, women are beautiful.  All shapes and sizes, they are beautiful creatures.  And these girls aren’t all stacked and skinny – most are regular shapes, big busts and small, big butts and small, blemishes and all.  They aren’t airbrushed like the victoria’s secret catalogue you bring into the bathroom with you.  They’re real, and beautiful, and they make a great cup of coffee.  It’s inspirational!

Excuse me.  I’m going to go start drafting my plans for a bikini tire shop.  See ya.

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VACA

Vacations rock.  I like them second only to vaginas.  Is there a V theme there somehow?  I’m not sure.

I like to take a vacation every chance I get.  Monthly if I can.  Daily if the boss will let me.  And of course, they’re even better if you bring a vagina along to keep you company (mine has a name of course, but I’m keeping her identity safe).

Lest the ladies think me sexist, I’m just as interested in the smile and walk and talk of my lady as I am in her vajazzle.  She’s my best friend, and a vaca isn’t a vaca without her with mei.

I took a vaca this weekend with my lady, and it was amazing.  It’s awesome how much a little leisure time makes you love you wife more, makes you love your life more, makes you love your kids more…

Some people like to say that you need to treat your whole life like a vacation.  I’ve seen books that say it’s a negative thing to look forward to the 2 weeks a year you get as a vacation.  You need to live your life as if every day is a vacation.  You need to appreciate the every day things as if they were a vacation.

I agree. You need to appreciate every day.  You can’t be miserable 350 days of the year, and happy for 15 days.  That’s stupid.  But vacations are nice too.  It’s like anything else – you need to have a balance.  But I sure love my vacation sex.  It’s like regular sex, with sprinkles on top.

Live for your every day.  And live a little more for the special days.  Thanks for a great weekend baby.  I love you.  And your vagina.

Pricks

I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m kind of a prick.  It’s not my fault per se – I just think I’m kind of a dick all the time.  And I think it’s because of my penis.

Let me explain – I’m motivated by my penis.  When it wants something, I want it too.  When it’s angry, I’m angry too. When it’s happy….you get the idea.  In fact, about half of the reason I do things is because of my down there dude.  I’m completely controlled by my wang chung!

I think it takes a certain amount of enlightenment to acknowledge this.  Civilized creatures would say this is not a good thing – that I should rise above.  Of course, I have to make non-peep related decisions at work and at home.  I can use my brain.  It’s just the other one is VERY convincing sometimes.

And women always bemoan this like they hate it.  “Oh, you’re just thinking with your prick” or “use the head on top of your shoulders to think”.  Yea, Yea.  But then when you want something from us, you conveniently try to convince us using which head again?  Why are you not rubbing my eyelids when you want to ask to go out to dinner tonight?  Because you know what body part is really in charge.

Why do I go to work?  To make money, so I can have sex with my wife.  Why do I do the laundry?  So my wife will have more free time…and hopefully use it to have sex with me.  Why do I go to the gym?  You know.  Why do I drink too much beer?  To drown the hurt inside when I don’t have enough sex.

Why do I have kids?  I think most of you know how that happened.

I’m just a prick, and not ashamed to admit it.  Maybe a little ashamed, but my boss in the trenches tells me to be proud of it, so I’m going to listen to the little guy.  He’s very smart.

Change Minds Change Worlds

Listen up ass clowns!  I’m tired of the hypocrisy.  I’m tired of the prejudice.  I’m tired of having to use public restrooms.

We need an age of enlightenment.  We need a renaissance.  We need new thinking.

Look, we’re still wasting time talking about gay marriage and comparing it to bestiality?   “If we allow gay marriage, who knows what will happen next?  People will want to allow other types of marriage…”  Come on!  Two people – PEOPLE – of consenting age are in love.  Let them get married.  Believe me, they’ll probably regret it later.  But we shouldn’t stop them!  That’s old thinking!

Some think that it’s our declining “morals” that will be our downfall, like the Roman empire or something.  I question their definition of morals.  Immoral is treating people badly.  Immoral is not sex.  Sex is moral.  Sex is good.  Sex is blessed.  prejudice and fear and anger is immoral.  New thinking people!

So, get to it.  I’m not smart enough to revolutionize the world, but I’m enthusiastic enough to tell others to do it.  Can you invent a new way to wipe our backsides first (and don’t tell me the bidet – think harder).

Also, segregated locker rooms and bras.  Let’s get rid of those too.  Old thinking.  Lewie out.